How to Stop Topping from the Bottom (Without Making Me Roll My Eyes)
Let’s Talk About Your “Suggestions”
If you’re the type of submissive who keeps throwing out helpful “suggestions” like, “Maybe we could try this instead, Mistress?” or constantly “clarifying” commands because you’re “just making sure you understand what I mean”—congratulations! You’re topping from the bottom. And while you might think you’re being proactive, helpful, or even cute, what you’re really doing is undermining the entire dynamic.
Spoiler alert: If you’re trying to control how you’re dominated, you’re not actually submitting. You’re dictating. You’re micromanaging. And you’re making Me roll My eyes so hard I might sprain something.
Don’t worry—I’m here to help. Here’s a guide on how to shut up, obey, and actually enjoy the ride without turning your submission into a performance review.
What is Topping from the Bottom?
Topping from the bottom is when a submissive tries to subtly (or not-so-subtly) control the scene, relationship, or dynamic. Instead of embracing surrender, they attempt to steer the experience by offering “suggestions,” asking endless questions, or outright ignoring commands they don’t feel like following.
Examples include:
Suggesting how a command should be carried out (“Wouldn’t it be better if I did it this way, Mistress?”)
Negotiating mid-scene (“I know You said kneel, but what if I just sit instead?”)
Pretending not to hear certain commands (“Oh, You meant now? Sorry, I thought You meant later…”)
At its core, topping from the bottom is a failure to let go of control. And if you can’t let go of control, why are you even here? Submission isn’t about being in charge. It’s about trusting your Dominant enough to not be in charge.
Why It’s Annoying (and Unattractive)
The whole point of a Dominant/submissive dynamic is that one person is in charge—and spoiler alert: it’s not you. When you try to influence how you’re dominated, it breaks the flow of the scene and ruins the magic. It’s like trying to drive a car while sitting in the passenger seat—you’re not helping, you’re just being a backseat driver who’s lucky they’re not getting kicked out onto the side of the road.
Worse, it signals that you don’t actually trust your Dominant to do their job. You’re basically saying, “I know You’re in charge, but I’d really prefer it if we did it My way.” That’s not submission—that’s bossy with extra steps. And nobody signed up to dominate a micromanaging project manager.
How to Stop Topping from the Bottom
So, how do you stop this annoying habit and become the kind of submissive a Dominant actually wants to keep around? It’s simple:
1. Trust Your Dominant
If you’ve chosen to serve someone, trust them to know what they’re doing. They don’t need your constant input or suggestions. They need your obedience. Trusting your Dominant means letting go of the need to control every detail and surrendering to the experience—whether it’s perfectly aligned with your expectations or not.
2. Follow Instructions (Without Commentary)
When given a command, don’t treat it like a conversation starter. Just follow it. If you’re told to kneel, get on your knees. If you’re told to clean, grab a rag and start scrubbing. Unless you’re given permission to speak or ask questions, your job is to obey—not offer running commentary.
3. Embrace Uncertainty
Submission isn’t about comfort zones. It’s about surrendering control, even when you’re unsure of what’s coming next. Stop trying to negotiate every detail and start embracing the unknown. That’s where true submission begins.
4. Stop Overthinking
Not every command needs to be overanalyzed. If you’re constantly asking, “Should I kneel here or there? Cushion or no cushion? Angle or no angle?” you’re doing too much. Just do what you’re told. Trust that if there’s something your Dominant wants adjusted, they’ll tell you.
5. Remember Why You’re Here
You’re here because you crave domination. You want to let go, to be controlled, to feel that intoxicating loss of power under someone else’s rule. Topping from the bottom robs you of that experience. Stop trying to steer the ship and enjoy the waves.
What You’ll Gain by Letting Go
When you stop topping from the bottom and start truly submitting, a few magical things happen:
Your Dominant Becomes More Invested
Nothing kills a Dominant’s desire faster than a sub who constantly questions, negotiates, or second-guesses. When you truly submit, you make it easier—and more enjoyable—for your Dominant to engage with you.
You’ll Feel the Thrill of True Surrender
There’s nothing more exhilarating than letting go completely. When you stop trying to control the experience and start trusting your Dominant, you’ll finally feel the rush of real submission—the kind that leaves you breathless, obedient, and craving more.
You’ll Earn More Opportunities
Good submissives get rewarded. Whether it’s extra attention, privileges, or deeper training, the more you prove yourself as obedient and trustworthy, the more your Dominant will want to engage with you.
Ready to Be the Submissive You’re Meant to Be?
If you’re serious about becoming a better submissive, it’s time to stop trying to control the experience and start embracing true surrender. Trust, obey, and let go of the need to steer. You’ll be amazed at how much more fulfilling submission becomes when you stop topping from the bottom.
Need more guidance? Dive into the forums, explore My training programs, or browse My audio store to keep My voice in your mind, guiding you toward deeper obedience. And if you’re ready to truly prove your worth, pay tribute—because nothing says “I’m serious about improving” like putting your money where your mouth is.